TOKYO -- An attorney in Japan is calling for a legal revision as current laws in the country provide minimal help to women deceived by married men pretending to be single.

Victims of "single status deception," where married individuals falsely claim to be single for romance, are often left with the emotional scars from feeling complicit in infidelity, thinking, "I was having an affair." This act of deception can derail the lives of those affected, but don't the impostors feel any remorse?

One Tokyo man in his 50s maintained a relationship with an unmarried woman for a decade by pretending to be single. He told the Mainichi Shimbun his motivations for this deceitful behavior, "I wanted to experience romance, even if it was just a simulation."

In his early 30s, the man met a woman about five years his senior at a mixer event. He claimed to be single because, based on his experience, that was essential to get close to women.

Unlike government matchmaking services or dating apps, there was no need for a certificate of single status or any declaration of singlehood, nor was any form of identification required.

He realized the woman was seeking a serious relationship and marriage, but he concealed his marital status and continued the relationship.

He did feel some guilt toward both his wife and the woman. However, the fleeting pleasure outweighed his conscience. He desired a realistic "pseudo-romance" with the woman.

The woman, who was reserved and did not express her opinions, most likely remained unmarried throughout their 10-year relationship.

Did the man not feel any guilt for robbing her of precious time in her life? When this reporter asked him, he replied with a sigh, "It's not that I never thought about it, but I prioritized my desires over her suffering."

Despite woman's clear message on app, he moved forward with deception

About two years ago, a Kanagawa Prefecture woman who goes by the pseudonym Maiko started using a dating app limited to singles. To deter men only seeking physical relationships, her profile said: "No married men or those with girlfriends." There, a man, going by the pseudonym "B," approached her.

While there is an official document called a "certificate of single status," the app Maiko used did not require such documentation for single status verification. Typically, unless it is a marriage agency or a government matchmaking service, it is uncommon to demand a certificate of single status upon registration.

Exchanges of messages began between Maiko and B. She emphasized, "I absolutely hate to be 'the other woman.'" In response, B assured her, "I'm single and have no partner."

When they first met in person at a restaurant, B appeared to Maiko as an "intelligent, simple and sincere" man. They confirmed once more that they were both single, hit it off, and began dating.

B, an employee at a well-known company, was attentive despite his busy schedule. They communicated day and night through the Line messaging app, while enjoying dates and overnight trips. He frequently hinted at their future together with remarks like, "Let's live together when I buy a house in Tokyo," and other comments seemingly expressing he was serious about their relationship.

B showed no hesitation about long trips, including weekends, which would be difficult if one had a family. Maiko wholeheartedly believed they were serious.

About four months into their relationship, after a usual happy date, Maiko lost contact with B the following day, finding herself blocked on all contact platforms. They had planned an overnight trip for the following week.

Unable to comprehend the situation, she sent him an email urging a reply as if praying, "If you had any feelings for me, please." However, there was only silence.

With nothing else she could do, Maiko hired an investigation agency and discovered that B had a wife and child. It seemed B's wife had learned about his relationship with Maiko, prompting the sudden cutoff.

Maiko, who had previously suffered a life-threatening illness, hesitated to date men due to fears of a recurrence. Although a complete cure for the disease was in sight, she had not had opportunities to meet a potential partner in part due to the coronavirus pandemic.

She registered on the app, thinking, "I want to meet someone I can consider marriage with, even if it wasn't a prerequisite."

The shock and stress of B's betrayal affected Maiko's mental and physical health. More than anything, the fact that she, who had lived an honest life, had inadvertently engaged in an "affair" tormented her.

Her performance in her commission-based sales job suffered, and her income temporarily plummeted to a third of its usual amount.

"I want him to at least admit his wrongdoing and sincerely apologize," she thought.

No criminal accountability for single status deception?

Maiko communicated with B through a lawyer. He admitted to having pretended to be single but showed no remorse and refused to apologize, trying to end everything with settlement money of 200,000 yen (about $1,370).

"Isn't deceiving someone into giving consent by pretending to be single a form of non-consensual sex?" Maiko asked as she repeatedly approached the police but was told that the current Penal Code does not consider it a punishable offense and that unless it involves fraudulent activities where the perpetrator exploits romantic feelings to steal money, they cannot hold an individual criminally responsible.

Even without monetary loss, B's actions based on false claims undeniably damaged Maiko's dignity. She decided to file a lawsuit against B for damages, citing a violation of her right to chastity.

The right to chastity refers to a right to freedom of sexual self-determination, such as choosing whom to have sex with. In legal precedents, a violation of the right to chastity by deceiving someone has been considered illegal.

Maiko argued that B's false claim of being unmarried to engage in sexual relations constituted an infringement of her right.

In court, B claimed, "It wasn't a serious relationship with a view to marriage but a merely sexual one, so there was no violation." Maiko countered, "The violation occurred when we had intimate relations after he misled me into believing he was single. Had I known he was married, I wouldn't have met him or had sexual relations with him."

In some similar past lawsuits, courts ruled that a violation of the right to chastity did not apply as the relationship wasn't marriage-oriented. At the same time, many judgments have recognized responsibility even without marriage-related indications, resulting in divided opinions.

Even if the deceiver's illegal actions are acknowledged, it is said that compensation often amounts to only tens of thousands to around 1 million yen (several thousand dollars). Concerns about the time and cost of legal proceedings have led many victims to settle with lingering dissatisfaction or to suffer in silence.

Keiji Kanegae, a lawyer familiar with criminal cases who belongs to the Fukuoka Bar Association, expressed the view that "single status deception is sexual assault that doesn't occur unintentionally," pointing out that those pretending to be single are "left unchecked."

"To eliminate damage, the law should be swiftly amended to include cases where married individuals falsely claim to be single as a crime of non-consensual sex," Kanegae said. "The only ones troubled by criminal penalties would be those who wish to deceive someone as being single."

However, the challenge lies in defining the scope of deceptive actions that would be punishable, making legal amendments difficult.

Know the reality

Maiko herself has endured significant emotional and financial burden. This experience has motivated her to prevent others who feel the same from being isolated and to offer support.

In June 2024, she created an account on X (formerly Twitter) and established the "single status deception victims' association," raising awareness about the issue.

Some victims reached out, desperate for any form of support, with one saying, "It feels reassuring to know there are others who understand my feelings."

Now, Maiko stays in contact with dozens of victims and sometimes offers advice on legal procedures.

Despite her ongoing fight, Maiko's deeply ingrained wounds remain unhealed. She still fears men and sex. Despairing about the future, thoughts of "wanting to die" occasionally cross her mind. "I think there are many more people experiencing hardship and being forced to suffer in silence. To prevent an increase in such victims, I will continue to speak out. Single status deception is 'sexual assault' that exploits women's lives," she said.

(This is Part 2 of a 3-part series)

(Japanese original by Kohei Chiwaki, Digital News Group)